Life has come to a point where I have to take a decision. Things aren’t exciting anymore. Life has become a ‘routine’ or maybe that’s how it has always been for me…maybe ive started realizing it now. Professionally I don’t like it anymore. Even though I have people who trust my abilities and see me doing wonders here, I somehow can’t picture myself doing all that. There are quite a few number of things bothering me…. I wish I was able to narrow it down and take the thorn out. I, definitely, don’t have a mile long list but it’s just that I don’t know what’s bothering me more.
Is it the market slump(we, directly or indirectly, are affected by it) or is it the new work environment/people or is it the kind of work that ive been asked to do or is it my ignorance.
I don’t know what good or bad am I doing to me by standing still and letting the time go but im not able to find a way out… not able to face the daemons. Hell! Im not able to see them, forget about facing them. I hate when I get into this mood. I hate to wear the ‘thinking’ cap cuz I never take it off. I love to be the spur-of-the-moment guy and I hate not being that guy. It’s been months …..what makes things worse is that even though ive realized the change, I can’t do jack shit about it. I mean that proves my point of me leading a routine life. I mean in terms of materialistic things as well, I think a million times. I can’t go out with friends for a drink. I can’t get the tattoo done. I can’t go home(read Punjab) ….Why? Cuz something inside me tells me to save the money …. Save the money for something big….spend it wisely…
What a life!! Is it even mine? I doubt that!!! It’s like ive been living it for someone else. Killing myself everyday so as to make life better for others.
I donno man..i can go on and on and on….nobody would care…nobody does!!!! Cuz…. they say “It’s your life” ….. IS IT? :)