Saturday, May 30, 2009


Shocker of a news!!! Today i came to know that one of my ex-co-worker lost his wife in a car accident. Its not that i knew him on a personal level or anything but still i feel for him, i feel bad for him cuz its a huge loss...Just like the first job, the people you meet during that time also get special to you.
The biggest irony is that he was travelling to his home town and his wife was on her way to airport to pick him up. But fate had different plans i guess. I just can sympathize and console him but the void that has been created for a husband, for a child can't be filled. Such is Life I guess. One moment you have everything and then in a blink it gets taken away from you. I guess moments like these emphasise the importance of thanking the God for giving us everything.

May God give strength to everyone affected by this tragedy to accept the things. May her soul rest in Peace.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Game Over

Addictions they say are BAD!!! We all have been hooked onto IPL for over a month now. Whoever you were, whatever you do all you would want was to get to a TV before 8pm IST. First thing you do once you got home was to turn on the TV and put on the sports channel. Boy what a fun it was. But now that it's over, you come home and wonder what to do *sigh*. I guess we would have the answer in couple of days time.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Still Scribbling!!!

Life has come to a point where I have to take a decision. Things aren’t exciting anymore. Life has become a ‘routine’ or maybe that’s how it has always been for me…maybe ive started realizing it now. Professionally I don’t like it anymore. Even though I have people who trust my abilities and see me doing wonders here, I somehow can’t picture myself doing all that. There are quite a few number of things bothering me…. I wish I was able to narrow it down and take the thorn out. I, definitely, don’t have a mile long list but it’s just that I don’t know what’s bothering me more.

Is it the market slump(we, directly or indirectly, are affected by it) or is it the new work environment/people or is it the kind of work that ive been asked to do or is it my ignorance.

I don’t know what good or bad am I doing to me by standing still and letting the time go but im not able to find a way out… not able to face the daemons. Hell! Im not able to see them, forget about facing them. I hate when I get into this mood. I hate to wear the ‘thinking’ cap cuz I never take it off. I love to be the spur-of-the-moment guy and I hate not being that guy. It’s been months …..what makes things worse is that even though ive realized the change, I can’t do jack shit about it. I mean that proves my point of me leading a routine life. I mean in terms of materialistic things as well, I think a million times. I can’t go out with friends for a drink. I can’t get the tattoo done. I can’t go home(read Punjab) ….Why? Cuz something inside me tells me to save the money …. Save the money for something big….spend it wisely…

What a life!! Is it even mine? I doubt that!!! It’s like ive been living it for someone else. Killing myself everyday so as to make life better for others.

I donno man..i can go on and on and on….nobody would care…nobody does!!!! Cuz…. they say “It’s your life” ….. IS IT? :)

Thursday, May 14, 2009


Just when I was thinking that ive come a long way and ive gotten a grip over my anger and emotions, I see myself at the same old familiar spot. All this while I was thinking that ive grown up and I'm not the same temperamental person anymore. I thought I’d come off age and have mellowed down. But apparently I was wrong. Ive been feeling this for past couple of days now. The thing that I don’t understand about all this is that is it a attitude thing? or can I just not accept half-hearted efforts or double-standards ? I mean if I have to put it on paper, I would say it all starts with driving to work. I mean people just don’t follow rules here. I think cows/buffalos manage themselves really well on the roads and stay organized. People here are chaotic, don’t care about others no more. No blinkers, overtaking from the wrong side, jaywalking ...all of it... At times I feel like beating the crap out of each and every person that doesn’t follow the rule.

Then the work, I mean im happy with the change, with the co. but not with people. It’s getting hard for me to decide who do i hate more...i-know-it-all guy or i-will-lick-my-bosses-ass guy. I think the latter will take the cake. While im at it, I would also like to extend my hatred to all those people who are working from client-side(the so called "onsite") and think that people in "offshore" are slaves. I mean come on don’t we have plans, don’t we like to party, don’t we need time to un-wind?

And then there was one thing which I really looked forward to in the evenings. The Ball park. Not anymore though. It was till I met bunch of guys who think they run the show here. Just cuz u r in the team for past 15 years doesn’t mean you know it all. I mean it gets ridiculous at time. They want to play tough but against small guys. They slap, they bruise, they push but when I do all of these to them, they cry foul. I mean how fair is that? why don’t they pick somebody their own size?

But you know what, it kind of fits into place. If you start solving the puzzle, puzzle as to why they haven’t made it past round1, forget about winning and tourneys, you have the answer. They are happy winning over their team mates, happy playing half courts and happy calling themselves #5 fans. They don’t want anybody to learn, they don’t trust in each other, they don’t share the ideology. This makes me even more grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry.
So by the time my day ends, im a rage machine. I don’t know what to do about it or how to let-go of certain things. Am i over-reacting? Is it as simple as "shit-happens, move on" or Am I a misfit here????. Misfit in this part of the country, misfit in this part of the world or misfit in scheme of things of life?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

STILL Thinking!!!!!!

Past couple of days have been very depressing...well i wont really like to call them depressing, its just that ive done a lot of soul-searching . Soul-searching is good when you get answers to your questions. Its good when you get a direction out of it. But its a pretty fucked up thing if u dont get answers to any of the questions u ask urself. And thats where i am currently.

Realizing that you have lived out half of ur life and havent achieved anything remarkable isnt a great feeling.

I dont know if its called REALITY CHECK or MID-LIFE CRISIS.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Thinking out loud!

Today was one of those days when i hated everything about me. I hate my life. I mean ive got to a point where i want to break free but what-will-people-say is whats keeping me from doing anything 'rash'. I mean i want to do things that would make *ME* happy...things that might not get me good money but will help me feel content. But if you ask me what are those things? What would make me happy? I would be ask blank as i am now. Cuz to be honest i dont know what i want, what i like.

Im tired of living a fake life. I hate wearing a mask everysecond of the day. Im not sure if anyone knows the real me. Im not sure if *I* know the real me.
Nothing in my current life makes me happy. NOTHING. Not even booze. I do it cuz that is the only thing that makes me forget alllll these things for a while...but i dont want it. I dont want that to be a part of my life. But i aint got nothing better happening in my life.

Maybe i should press a backspace..but would that mean that im again hiding behind the mask? Maybe someone out there will read this and will help me realize what i want..but will that somebody know what 'he/she' wants from life?
I doubt!!!

Monday, May 4, 2009


After having posted the spam mails from a guys inbox(enlargements, enhancements, making “it” bigger and stuff), I asked my female friends to let me peep into their spam boxes. Couple of them were offended by the idea while others were generous enough to let me see their inboxes.

I didn’t find anything remotely close to what can be called “Interesting”, but it did made me think……Think about what could a girl get as spam…Apart from the expected h-e-l-p-u-r-s-e-l-f thing they would probably get emails on how to make *it* tighter, smaller perhaps….like a virgin maybe…hmmm…wonder if there is any such “treat”ment .

Gross !!!????? nah!!! Its called Power of Imagination!!!!!

PS: For reading the man spambox..

Saturday, May 2, 2009

My next Tattoo!!!

This is what my next tattoo is going to be. Its something that is profound and means a lot to me. Its something i believe in.
It reads :

Meaning: The one who you guard, wont have to worry about anything else.

April Review!

Summer tyyyme....Its that time of the year when you cant do cant help but stay indoors...its so freaking hot outside that you dont even feel like going out.... at all...not even to get booze....
April was just a trailer of what weather gods have in store for me i think. And if im reading the signs correctly, its gonna be more sweat and more beer.
So here is my review of last month.
  • They say "Health is Wealth" first and foremost my resolution will be to a) maintain my weight in double digits this year and b) to get back to a moderate 36 inch waist line...maybe by end of Q2-09 --> The kgs are still in double digit, bt its the beer belly that im worried about. Long working hours arent helping either.
  • To be a regular face @ the gym/Ball park -->Something which needs a lil attention i feel...from playing everyday to playing every alternate day to playing whenever i get time!?!?!?!?! Its gonna go down the drain unless i do something about it..hmmm
  • To abstain myself from drinking BEER/RUMS/VODKA/AERIATED DRINKS...I guess that means i'll have to live on WHISKY and SCOTCH ;) --> It was a BAD BAD month...drank like a fish...Beer, Beer and more Beer...Need to turn down couple of invitations...or need to "not" drink on weekdays...or need to "not" go out and drink.
  • To "not-to" feast on any food buffets this year --> This i feel is undercontrol...partially cuz of the weather...partially due to me being a vegetarian or in other words..not finding the buffets worth the money..hmmm..
  • To try and be a vegetarian this year..-->4 months!!?!???? WOW!!!!!…i guess ive accepted myself as a vegetarian..wait till i go out for a party or something
  • To do a lil more travelling, take a week off every quarter and visit all the nearest place or hill stations or explore new places locally. --> Nothing on this has been pretty boring.... I dont expect anything from May too. ..Again its a mix of being very Hot outside, not having a car and work pressures.
  • To file for immigration this year. --> Did checked with coupla suggestions, need to visit couple of consultants.
  • To finally buy a book and start preparing for GMAT and IAS services(both extremes i know) --> Nothing here too...too busy i guess...
  • To, inshah-allah, continue my travelling streak abroad --> Is it gonna happen????
  • To save some money and eventually bring my loan account down -->Have to take care of some other important/pressing things...will see how it goes..
  • To try and be the same energetic and enthusiastic person that i was coupla years back. --> On track
  • To "not-to" forget birthdays this year and make sure that atleats a call/text is made/sent---> Was a good month...i AM social again :)