Just when I was thinking that ive come a long way and ive gotten a grip over my anger and emotions, I see myself at the same old familiar spot. All this while I was thinking that ive grown up and I'm not the same temperamental person anymore. I thought I’d come off age and have mellowed down. But apparently I was wrong. Ive been feeling this for past couple of days now. The thing that I don’t understand about all this is that is it a attitude thing? or can I just not accept half-hearted efforts or double-standards ? I mean if I have to put it on paper, I would say it all starts with driving to work. I mean people just don’t follow rules here. I think cows/buffalos manage themselves really well on the roads and stay organized. People here are chaotic, don’t care about others no more. No blinkers, overtaking from the wrong side, jaywalking ...all of it... At times I feel like beating the crap out of each and every person that doesn’t follow the rule.
Then the work, I mean im happy with the change, with the co. but not with people. It’s getting hard for me to decide who do i hate more...i-know-it-all guy or i-will-lick-my-bosses-ass guy. I think the latter will take the cake. While im at it, I would also like to extend my hatred to all those people who are working from client-side(the so called "onsite") and think that people in "offshore" are slaves. I mean come on don’t we have plans, don’t we like to party, don’t we need time to un-wind?
And then there was one thing which I really looked forward to in the evenings. The Ball park. Not anymore though. It was till I met bunch of guys who think they run the show here. Just cuz u r in the team for past 15 years doesn’t mean you know it all. I mean it gets ridiculous at time. They want to play tough but against small guys. They slap, they bruise, they push but when I do all of these to them, they cry foul. I mean how fair is that? why don’t they pick somebody their own size?
But you know what, it kind of fits into place. If you start solving the puzzle, puzzle as to why they haven’t made it past round1, forget about winning and tourneys, you have the answer. They are happy winning over their team mates, happy playing half courts and happy calling themselves #5 fans. They don’t want anybody to learn, they don’t trust in each other, they don’t share the ideology. This makes me even more grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry.
So by the time my day ends, im a rage machine. I don’t know what to do about it or how to let-go of certain things. Am i over-reacting? Is it as simple as "shit-happens, move on" or Am I a misfit here????. Misfit in this part of the country, misfit in this part of the world or misfit in scheme of things of life?