Thursday, November 15, 2012


Dear Brother,

I know life has been tough off late and i know you must be feeling alone and responsible for the state of things but don't over think. I don't want to sounds philosophical so all i'd say is "SHIT HAPPENS". Everyone screws up and you or me are no different. I, for one, am way more experienced than you in fuck ups and if I tell you things turn out fine in the end then things will surely get back to what they were if not better.

Sitting miles away, knowing all this happened and being, unable to do anything is what is eating me from inside. Especially when I don't know what's a fact and what's overstated. I have heard so many things from so many random people that it hurts. It hurts for the fact that they knew all about it and I didn't had a clue. It hurts for the fact that you chose them over me; decided to go ask for help from them but not me. I know that out of 30 years of my existence, we have only spent a year or two together but all those choices were made FOR us not BY us. 

I remember, when I was getting older I used to ask you to let me take the scooter out so that I could impress my girl friend at that time , and even though you'd take 20 mins, you would say YES. You would play hard ball for all my demands but you would eventually cave in. Now, when I think of those times, I feel that I should have probed you harder ,cuz in hindsight I could sense something was wrong in your voice. Maybe the hurt I feel is because 'I' failed as a brother.

I fear that all this negative talk will take the wind out of all of us so I will cut it out and at the risk of sounding philosophical all I'd say is that every cloud has a silver lining and 'our' silver lining is that we are all in this together. Everybody is supportive of you and no one is questioning your capabilities or intentions. I'm happy that you have picked yourself up and have started afresh. No start is small as long as it brings a sense of satisfaction. Again this might sound a little douchey but success is a measure that's decided by other, satisfaction on the other hand is decided by you. This is what you taught me and this is what I truly believe in. 

I know no one wants to be in the position we are in and no one will. This will end pretty soon. Let's stay focused and deal with this together.

Missing you,

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Home Sick

Life has become so depressing off late. With all the things that have transpired at home, i can only imagine what my parents would be going through. They put up a brave, unfazed face when they talk but deep down i know that they know that they didn't need any of this. Not at this stage of their life. And i can only sit here and write. I mean come to think of it, now it has become a necessity for me to stay here so that i can help them...financially if not emotionally. 

I have my poker face up for the world to see but at times this second life gets to you and you wish you weren't a part of all this mess. And then being away from home at days like today (Diwali day) adds insult to the injury. 

For second straight year i am away from home, away from friends, away from my family. While everyone else posts pics, messages on facebook, twitter i just feel like going home and sleeping. Maybe it will be a better day tomorrow. 

Happy Diwali to everyone!