Satyam Saga!!! Common mans thinking!!

Satyam-eva Jayate

The corporate malfeasance confessed to at Satyam has shocked the nation with words like “financial 26/11″ and “India’s Enron” being used to describe this catastrophe for India Inc. Satyam has been subject to ritual humiliations like having their corporate ethics award withdrawn and being taken off stock indices. The economic pundits are baying for blood. On the board floor.

But what does the man in the street think of all this?

Let’s find out

[Background music: Satyam Shivam Sundaram. Ishwar Satya Hain. Satya Hi Shiva Hain. Shiv Hi Sundar Hain. A haaa A haaaaaaa]

Samar is 16 years old and is in Class 11. This is what he had to say.

I don’t see what’s wrong in making a few untrue statements in the balance books. I mean come on dude. Everybody does that at school while doing lab reports. I mean how can one really get a straight line graph while plotting V vs I? It never happens. So you massage the data so that it “fits”. The teachers know it. The students know it. The teachers when they were students did it.

Mona is 33. She works in a cell center.

If you don’t have it, you pad it. Be they balance sheets or bra cups. That’s common knowledge. When prospective grooms come to our house, I always wear padded bras. My aunts told me to do so. Are they asking me to cheat? I don’t think so. And just to balance out that exaggeration, I also under-estimate. I say I am 25 years old.

And it’s not just the younger generation who are supportive of the management at Satyam.

Raghavan is 45. He works for the government.

[Angrily]

So what’s the crime here? Using shareholder money to buy shares in the company your son runs at outrageously elevated prices? I mean if you are dragged over the coals for looking after your family, what is a man to do? Apne to aapne hote hain. What next? Ban the Congress Party?

Lalaji is 65. He has run a grocery for 45 years now.

My dad always used to tell me “Before you decide to be Harishchandra, remember what happened to him. And let that serve as a warning.” I have always followed that dictum and every successful business has to. I keep a metal weight below my scales, I put small bits of stone in the rice, I adulterate the cooking oil. I have two ledger books.

It’s not just me. The dairy-boy who my wife buys milk from has more water than milk. The asli desi ghee I buy is hardly asli. Everyone is tampering with numbers and ratios. Thats how it always has been with dhanda-giri.

There is just one crime in business. Just one.And that’s getting caught.

Not everyone was so outspoken however. When we asked Ajay, 53, himself an accountant how despite audits by a major accounting agency, nearly ninety four percent of the cash on Satyam’s books just does not exist, he merely smiled and said.

Magic !

In other news, unconfirmed reports suggest that the embattled CEO has been seen in half-sleeve shirts and suits and is reportedly currently working on developing 8 pack abs. This has lead many to speculate whether a “Ghajini” defense of anterograde amnesia may be mounted against a 7 year jail term, a defense that is intensely popular among powerful business owners. Viewers may recall that such a defense was successfully used by Sanjay Singhania, the telecom giant, to get an acquittal after he went on a murderous rampage for which he was not only accused of mass murder but also of gratuitously breaking all the laws of Physics and of good cinema.

Fade out music: (paraphrased song from movie “Gunda Mawali”) Raju awaara barsaat main, chori chori kya kar

baitha…..

PS: Read it somewhere on net and found it very hilarious. What do u do these days when u find something good...you paste it over your blog :)

Essence!!

You can con the whole world and be whoever you want BUT you have to be TRUE to yourself.

Physics & Chemistry of Life!!!

I donno if it’s the organization or lack of company (people to talk to) or lack of work or god-knows-what, but I feel that ive been thinking a lil differently. When I say differently I don’t mean that im over-analyzing things or thinking profoundly, it’s just that I feel im seeing lighter side of things now… and when I do , I feel like telling everyone …and what other way that writing on it (Recession time boss! Can’t be calling everyone u c ;)).

So on one of my coffee breaks I was talking to my friend and some how on some topic he told me “Boss! For every reaction, there is equal and opp. Reaction”

And this really got me thinking. Thinking that we have learned some many principles and laws from our physics and chemistry course way back in school times, but do we still use it? Was it worth cramming the formulas? Was making chits aka Phaaarey worth the trouble?

Now I would expect a blank face or stare @ the floor or stare @ the ceiling (that’s what *I* used to draw/do in school times when any teacher would ask any question)from anyone who did his schooling some 10 years or more ago. So if I ask you what’s Ohm’s Law or Chain Reaction (concept behind Atom bombs) or Gauss's law or Newton’s laws of motion or Le Chatelier's principle, probably you will be doing the same things as well.

So I came back and started looking at what these Laws or Principles were and once I had revisited them, I found it funny that these still hold true in our daily lives. Here’s how: Lets first see what these Laws and Principles actually mean/say and then we would take my arguments forward.

Let’s take Gauss’s Law first.

Gauss’s Law states that “The electric flux through any closed surface is proportional to the enclosed electric charge”.
Now put you guys out of the misery, I will be telling you the meaning of difficult terms that will be used in these laws, flux being the culprit in this one.(You can always refer Wikipedia for any doubts :) ). So here is what flux means.
Flux is defined as the amount that flows through a unit area per unit time.

Ohm’s Law: I = V/R (Can’t get any simpler than this… but still if you want me to spell it out for you it means current = voltage / resistance)

Chain Reaction: We all know what this is. Aint it? Fission and Fusion reactions (that was my favorite topic in chemistry)

Le Chatelier's principle: If a chemical system at equilibrium experiences a change in concentration, temperature, volume, or total pressure, then the equilibrium shifts to counter-act the imposed change. (Courtesy Wikipedia)

Now if you think you think we are getting too technical here and you think you don’t use these in your life, READ ON!!

So let’s start with Chain reaction… In case your onsite manager gets an earful from the client, be ready for some sweet-chin-music…and in case you are the offshore lead, the effect surely will be cascaded down to people under you.

Ohm’s Law: Well I=V/R always will hold true, no matter which field you work in. IT or no IT you will have to use this wisely or atleast take care of the R component wisely. This law in modern times of IT means

Increment = Vision/Resistance

And Vision here, of course, is your managers. The more you try to resist his views/vision the less will be your salary increment.


Le Chatelier's principle: Its very important for all the stakeholders to realize that any team which is doing well can easily be disturbed by lack of concentration/lack of appreciation, by a new member coming into the team or by asking them to deliver more when they already are your best performers. How many times have you seen an employee or a performer cribbing about his manager or his team not acknowledging his work or taking load of all his team members on his shoulders.

Gauss’s Law: The bigger the goofup, the bigger be the “heads-to-roll” list. So suddenly if you see lot of activity in your managers room , you should know that something big is cooking.

So that’s my take on the physics and chemistry of life. I know some of you would like me to add some topics or rules or laws from Biology as well here but to all those pervert minds I have just one thing to say “Goto dblog.com”

Future Gadgets!!!!

I’m, officially, now the last person from our batch to be without work. Everyone who joined with me has been aligned to some project.
How do I feel about it?
It’s a mixed feeling…im, obviously, happy for them but im a lil sad that no one will hangout with me from now on. I mean I will get to hear phrases like “I’ve to rush, I’ve got a meeting” or “No dude, I cant come..am working on something” *sigh* ……Anywz we will see how it goes.

So ive been a loner for coupla days now and I thought it would be good for me if I can get my book and read while im in office(even though im scared of getting caught)..so I went to my friends floor (different technology track/ diff side of building....thats actually my way of telling me that i wont be caught here) and was reading the book (Babyji) in his cubicle, when his phone buzzed. So my ideal mind thought that maybe it was our 3rd friend trying to call us for coffee/juice break.

“Who is it” I asked.
“It’s the low battery indicator, saying only 10% battery left” he replied.

I went back to reading my book. I had just read one line when the phone buzzed again.

“Who now” I asked again.
“It’s the same alert from the cell” he replied.

So I was thinking how we can get future gadgets listen to them.

Like phone vibrates, you pick it up and have a look @ it…”10% battery left”. You ignore the message, maybe cuz you don’t have time to look for charger and get back to work or maybe you just don’t care.

After 5 minutes the phone vibrates again, and this time when you pick it up and see, it would read “Are you blind????? Im dying!!!!” . You still will ignore the warning and go back to whatever you were doing.

Then after some time when you want to make a call, you will realize that your cellphone has powered itself off. So you find your charger, plug it in and try to turn on your phone. And this is what would happen.

You try to switch on the phone. The message comes: “Now you want me huh!!!!”, you feel embarrassed and press “Yes”.

“You are an a$$hole, you know that rite?!??!?!?!” …You can’t really do much but press “Yes”.
“Don’t you dare do this to me again!!! You got that!!!” … “Yes” is your reply again.

And then it finally would come back On. Well you have a choice of selection "NO" as well but then you wont have your phone working.

“What are you thinking man” said my friend as he tapped on my shoulder.
“Pass me the charger”. I passed him the charger kept on my side of the desk , smiled at the thought and continued reading my book.
The phone buzzed again, maybe after 10 seconds of him putting it on charge, and I was wondering if the phone was acknowledging the feed by saying “Thanks”.

Pistons Calendar for March-09

Pistons kick off their march against the "Champs".

PS: As long as AI is on bench, i think they will do good :p

February Review!!!

Another month from 2009 gone…WOW!!! Time IS Flying!!!! Damn!!!! So I guess its time for my second review…hmm

• They say "Health is Wealth"....so first and foremost my resolution will be to a) maintain my weight in double digits this year and b) to get back to a moderate 36 inch waist line...maybe by end of Q2-09 -->Still working on it, weight is back into double digits, need more motivation and self-control
• To be a regular face @ the gym -->Health…well I might have missed working out in gym due to me getting back to work but I have made sure that im playing everyday…so outta 28 days I have worked out/played ball for 17 days..17/28 for this month…not bad huh! *pat on the back*
• To abstain myself from drinking BEER/RUMS/VODKA/AERIATED DRINKS...I guess that means i'll have to live on WHISKY and SCOTCH ;) --> Here comes the most impressive part about me. Drinking. No, im not talking about my pythonic liver (as Amol used to tell me/everybody), im talking about me not boozing every day or weekend. Now im not telling you that ive quit drinking, for how could I, im a Punjabi after all. So I have sticked to whiskey/Scotch barring a few occasions of beer(4 beers this month)
• To "not-to" feast on any food buffets this year --> Just one food buffet this month *impressive huh*
• To try and be a vegetarian this year..-->2 WHOLE months as vegetarian…now this is a BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGG accomplishment…cuz there were various instances where I wanted to stop thinking about everything and dig my teeth into some real juicy,tender chicken breast or fish *slurps* but as destiny would have it, im still a vegetarian so its all good.
• To do a lil more travelling, take a week off every quarter and visit all the nearest place or hill stations or explore new places locally. --> Went home for a wedding and will try to go somewhere in march too
• To file for immigration this year. --> Need to goto a consultant, have it written in things to do list for March
• To finally buy a book and start preparing for GMAT and IAS services(both extremes i know) --> Targetting to buy a book in March 09
• To, inshah-allah, continue my travelling streak abroad --> Pray for me brother!!!
• To save some money and eventually bring my loan account down -->The home loan is still @ the same level. No movement there…maybe in a couple of months we shall see some downward trend…AMEN!!!
• To try and be the same energetic and enthusiastic person that i was coupla years back. --> Things are on track, im an affable face in office.
• To "not-to" forget birthdays this year and make sure that atleats a call/text is made/sent---> I did picked up my old contact diary and called one old friend(my old roomie..Johnny bravo!!) and my cousin sis…so there is some progress on this front.

Joker in the pack :p

There are 3 kind of people in any organization. First kinds are the one who are the nerds, the einsteins, the newtons, the ones who actually know it all. (the kinds I don’t gel along with really well..and I think they shud GET A LIFE). Second kinds are the ones those who are the average ones(like me) and not only are they average they know it too and they are happy being in the majority. And then there are ones who are caught in between these...the “Wanna-bees” …who try to cross the line and try to make a name for themselves but that’s when they bring down the house. That’s when they do/say certain things which make them immortal(pun intended)…which make them “butt of all jokes”.

And I ran into one such guy…the 3rd kinds :) …well , it was our induction session and we were being told that how gr8 of a co. this is and how proud we should be feeling. So the speaker(a veteran, been with this org. for over 15 yrs) told us how this was a vision of few handful of ppl and how “We” (I think I can use this word now) have evolved through years…from a 250$ company to a billion $ empire.

After he ended his workshop(it wasn’t one of those sessions where the speaker would go on and on till everybody snores), he opened the floor for Q&A.
People started him all sorts of questions…basically wanted answers for their insecurities…he was very patient in answering all the queries. And after one hour he called for one last question. Lil did he knew that he had commited a suicidal mistake…so our guy…raises his hand…asks…

“I have been hearing from lot of people that they started this co. with $, but noone tells that wat was the $ value @ that time”

He, evidently, was shell shocked by the question and wanted to do more than answering the question but like anyone else wud have done , he just smiled and said

“Does it matter????!??!?!??!??!??!??!?!??!”

And that’s when I knew that till the time I know this guy, my avid readers will never complain about me not posting enough on the blog :)